Unposted Drafts from My Ex’s Profile by Matt Gillick

  1. Mom caught us fucking the night of my 21st. Well, right after he came. Like she was waiting on cue. 
  2. Not the same vibe from when he gave me a Christmas I-love-you and a red beanie. We’d only been dating for three months and it took me until February to say it back. 
  3. We’re on Federal Hill, eating credit-card-maxed lobster tails at Cassarino’s and we run into Jordy who I used to visit at Roger Williams. He’s our waiter. 
  4. We saw Anastosha at Elmhurst Pub. I get the feeling they know each other’s bodies from the way his neck wraps around hers when they hug as friends. 
  5. He called me a bitch, again. This time for wanting to leave a house party early. 
  6. It’s a quiet walk back to his apartment except for when he tells me he’s sorry. Again. And again. I just want to orgasm and fall asleep watching a movie we’ve already seen. 
  7. He’s super concerned about my period. I sweat him for two days saying I’m late before announcing we’re in the clear after shitting up his bathroom. I knew it was coming. 
  8. I won’t text him goodnight because I want him to wonder if I’m at this party I told him I was on the fence about. 
  9. Graduations are the worst, especially when you palm your boyfriend’s face, so he stops asking you what’s wrong. Right in front of his Aunt Trixie, too. 
  10. The asshole won’t even respond to my messages. Constant updates of Prague this and Prague that, next stop…backpacking through Budapest. I can still see you. 
  11. The moment you realize men are trash after getting driven by a high school ex to a dark parking lot near Boom Island Park after three drinks and a pithy wanna-go-somewhere…
  12. Finally, a text asking me how I’ve been. 
  13. It’s from the Városliget Zoo. Before I can respond, he sends me a photo of a lemur resting on his shoulder. I nearly forget how he’s shut me out these three weeks. 
  14. I meet him at The Biltmore. After the make-up sex and the mistake of saying we loved each other, again, he intentionally farts for the first time in front of me. Room service filet.
  15. Anastosha hung out with him that weekend I was in Minneapolis for Easter break. Pizza and Natural Born Killers were all. He tells me that, at least. Pizza and a movie.
  16. He texts me every twenty minutes now, Just saw a really fat squirrel…Just heard that if you eat pineapples…I’m on my lunch break and I was thinking…Are you mad at me…Answer.
  17. He pitches the clean slate method, this time over the phone, saying I could take back my I love you, all of them if I wanted. He won’t take his back though, and it feels heavy. 
  18. I feel so Goddamn heavy. 
  19. It’s an hour later and I can’t wait another week to say to his face that I did something with Jordy—Cassarino’s Jordy. 

Gillick is a writer from Northern Virginia.