You’re Not Crazy

Health, Psychology

Time is a thing we can’t wait for, but travels by us so fast. Look, half the year is already over. You don’t feel different, except the ache in your knees and kink in your shoulders. Your consciousness is still young, you have all the time in the world. There are days when you want to sink into your bed and stay there, yet you don’t want to give up on life because there are dreams you want to make come true. You feel guilty because you see everyone else who’s worked hard for what they want, achieved it, and here you are, still trying to be better than your current self.

When you were younger, you wanted to be someone else. Every year, you’d think it that it was the year everything would be different. You’d be a different person, a better version as you waited for some inanimate thing in the future to somehow miraculously change you. Nothing changed, and everything stayed the same. You forget that your thoughts, your narrative and opinions can be flawed, because where you live, inside your head, is your own, and of course, it must be right.

You’re tired of trying to be positive all the time. You’re tired of putting on a smiling face and asking menial questions about other people’s boring life. There are certain people that you love, but most everyone else, you could care less if you never saw them again.

It’s okay.

Acceptance is a mindset, an approach of giving ourselves permission to experience our emotions and taking the perspective that they’re human rather than silly, weak, crazy, wrong, dangerous, or beyond our power to ever be able to manage. 

The Irony of Emotional Acceptance by Holly Parker, Ph.D.

It’s okay to feel sad, unmotivated, antisocial, and guilty. It’s human to find days miserable, despite all the fortune you have. It’s normal to be selfish. Not every day is going to be a good day. Not every week or month you’re going to be achieving all that you want to achieve. One day, you could be on top of the world, inspired by life itself, the next, you could be sitting on your couch, avoiding sleep because you know that it means work tomorrow.

Everyone preaches positivity. Everyone tells you that if you look at the brighter side of things, then you’ll be happier. There are countless articles, books, and words of advice on how to be a better version of yourself because the current you isn’t good enough. While these words of wisdom hold truth to them, they also can make you feel worse. Like it’s your fault for not being happy. It’s all within your power to change your emotions.

“Whatever your own experience of sadness, remember it is part of being human and allows us to recognize and value the contrast between feeling happy and sad.  We need these contrasts in order to recognize our own vulnerabilities and those of others and to be able to appreciate our gains and losses.”

Why It’s Good to Feel Sad by Atalanta Beaumont

You don’t want to accept that you can’t control how you feel. Your logic convinces you that those emotions of sadness, anger, and pain are unreliable. You learn not to trust yourself because you’re constantly being questioned why you feel what you feel and told that you can “reframe your paradigm.” Emotions aren’t completely right. Some emotions spring from a misunderstanding, others resurface and morph into another feeling. While all that’s happening, you can’t forget that your emotions are valid.

Regardless of why you feel what you feel, or what caused that emotion, you’re allow to feel that way. Don’t push it away. The more you push away, the more will show up later in life. Instead, let that wave of emotion rush over you, consume you, then pass like a storm. That makes it go away. Once you’ve felt what you’re body wanted you to feel, then analyze it, try to understand what caused it, and decide if it was right or not. You can’t avoid from feeling, and like the weather, you can’t predict when you’re going to feel a certain way. What you can do is let it run its course and self-reflect. No matter how close anyone is to you, they’re not in your head. It’s you, and only you.

Pride and People

Philosophy, Social

Humans are guilty for succumbing to the innate vices born within. While most of us know the seven deadly sins that derail us from our daily venture, we often neglect that they exist, believing that we aren’t wrong. Perhaps, the most difficult part of being a creature with emotion, is admitting when you’re wrong, especially when your pride is hurt.

Having pride in who you are isn’t necessarily a bad thing, rather it turns negative depending on the founding reason behind it. It’s natural, considering all that you’ve been through to achieve what you have, to convince yourself you know what’s best. The hardest may be admitting that in certain situations of which you’ve been wronged, that you weren’t exactly right.  

Out of the seven deadly sins: Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth, I’ve found Pride to be the most psychology damaging. Pride takes away the faults you see in yourself. If you are unhappy and angry at the world, it’s because of everything else around. Your actions then morph around the idea that you are simply better or “different” than everyone else. Of course, you’d never say that, but it comes out in how you treat others.

A more genuine and stable self-worth is based upon validating, affirming, and valuing ourselves as we are. Self-worth is a function of living with dignity, which exists apart from any accomplishments. Achievements are ephemeral and can become a trap. If too much of our attention goes toward accomplishing bigger and better things in order to feel good, then we become addicted to external sources of gratification.

Why Pride Is Nothing to Be Proud Of by John Amodeo Ph.D., MFT

Two Types of Pride

Authentic pride. People who are confident, agreeable, hard-working, energetic, kind, empathetic, non-dogmatic, and high in genuine self-esteem would draw inspiration from others and would want to be emulated by others.

Hubristic pride. [People who are] associated with rocky relationships, low levels of conscientiousness and high levels of disagreeableness, neuroticism, narcissism, and poor mental health outcomes. [Their] subjective feelings of superiority and arrogance may facilitate dominance by motivating behaviors such as aggression, hostility, and manipulation.

Pride and Creativity by Scott Barry Kaufman

In seeing this, someone with hubristic pride would consider themselves to have authentic pride because ironically, it would be their pride that kept them from viewing themselves in a negative light. How do you know what type of pride you have then? Here are some signs:

  • Incessant need to teach others: You impose your way of learning onto others, rather than letting them find their own way. You genuinely feel as though it’s helpful, “sharing your knowledge,” but doing it consistently, particularly when others don’t ask, is a form of asserting your dominance and superiority.
  • Ignore advice: Despite all you debate about regarding a decision or situation, you don’t consider the words of others because understanding other people’s perspective is not of value to you. You talk about it only to self affirm you’re right.
  • Constantly Critical: You point out the negatives in people and their actions, yet these critiques don’t apply to you. It makes you feel better to point out the faults in others because of the shame you feel for your own.
  • Obsessed with Aesthetics: Vanity is a type of pride. When you equate your physical appearance to self-worth, you demand the attention of others. You want affirmation and attention to feel of value. You find passive aggressive ways to make others feel guilty about your condition like, “You could be fit like me,” or “I look so fat.”  
  • Avoiding efforts of communication: Holding grudges, resentment, and cutting people out of your life are all evidence that you have hubristic pride. By ignoring people, you deem them not worth your time, disregarding them as a person and labeling them as inferior.

In the divided opinions of today, people are quick to label others without understanding their perspective. There is a right and wrong, and if someone doesn’t agree with what that means to you, then they’re immediately lesser. We all deserve to be treated with respect, so we must treat others respectfully. In letting go of superiority and accepting humanity for what it is, we uncover the truth about ourselves.

The Relationship’s Emotional Rock

Social

Love relies on compromise and nurture. Through the lifetime of any relationship, there’s give and take between the parties involved romantically. Emotions are a touchy subject, particularly between two people. One person may feel like they’re putting in all the effort, supporting their partner emotionally. The other may feel like the connection is lost all together.

Over time, two people can disconnect because they feel the love and attachment fades within a marriage or relationship. We are human. We feel emotion. Still, so many of us ignore that part of ourselves, and in turn, disregard it in others. Romance is more than lust and attraction, it’s support and intimacy, emotionally and physically. Here are a few tips to emotional stability within relationships:

The important thing is that you gently communicate your feelings, so you both know where you stand and so you can figure out how best to help one another deal with the situation.

Emotionally Supporting Your Partner by Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.
  1. Touch Each Other: People need human touch, and in certain circumstances, a loving embrace works better to communicate than words. When your partner is upset and frustrated, even touching their hand or arm could put them at ease.
  2. Communicate and Listen: Both men and women want to be heard. We all want to express ourselves and have our feelings validated. It’s hard to remember, as a partner, that we don’t have to give our opinion in every situation, rather we should provide our support in whatever our loved ones are going through.
  3. Deal with Stress Together: Stress is a catalyst for negative emotions. When one thing goes wrong, so does everything else, as it would seem. This takes a toll on everyone involved and is completely unavoidable. The best way to handle it is together, with open lines of communication and compassion.
  4. Take Care of Yourself: In a relationship, both parties have to work on fixing each other’s issues together. Yet, sometimes we get so involved with helping those around us, we forget to take care of our needs. Love and partnership helps in making yourself a better person, but self-care is still necessary for long term mental health.
  5. Emotions are Handled Differently: Depending on how a person was raised and their genetic make-up, humans all express themselves in their own ways. As you spend more time with someone, you’ll notice what their ticks are, based on what they’re feeling. Through observation before action, a person can infer a situation by a person’s body language.

Men release less Oxycontin than women when they are stressed, meaning they have a stronger reaction from both cortisol and epinephrine. [Women nurture] those around them in an effort to both protect themselves and their young. Men [are] more likely to have the “fight or flight” response when it comes to stress – either repressing their emotions and trying to escape the situation, or fighting back.

HOW TO HANDLE YOUR PARTNER’S STRESS Posted by: Team Tony

We are flawed, imperfect beings with irrational emotions, and intellectual minds. The emotional rock in a relationship is handed back and forth. Sometimes, you’ll be the one that needs a shoulder to lean on. Other times, you’ll be the shoulder that is leaned upon. Beyond physical pleasure, the joy and beauty in being with another person is having someone to go through it all, together.

Being an Introvert in an Extroverted Society

Personality

The difference between an introvert and an extrovert isn’t how well they act in front of others, it’s how they recharge. Introverts need to be alone to recharge, extroverts recharge by being social. Neither way is better than the other, and often times, these traits overlap. Introverts can be fluently social to the point others perceive them as extroverts. Extroverts can be private about are able to spend many hours alone, appearing reserve.

It is true though that most jobs require people to use their extroverted side. Regardless of the industry, employers want friendly faces, outgoing personalities, and good communicators. These are all important skills to hone in on. The introvert can master these skills, but they will ultimately feel drained by it by the end of the day.

Then, there are also the extroverts that push introverts to “get out more,” as though there is a right and wrong way to spend free time. Extroverts can make introverts feel guilty about wanted to spend the weekend at home. In return, the rebellion of the introvert will push those types of people away, and although they enjoy being alone, people need people.

Just like Yin & Yang, opposites attract, and these two opposite personalities often collide. There is an attraction the another way of thinking. Learning to balance the different lifestyles is a captivating process.

Being an introvert myself, the thing I’ve struggled with most is finding a career that doesn’t make me want to curl up into a ball after. Work is work, and not all of it should be fun, but it also shouldn’t kill you. I’ve been a salesperson, technician, administrative assistant, and farmer. Out of them all, the one with the least amount of people has made me most happy. This could be entirely different for an extrovert. They would love the different human interactions, daily connections, and getting to know different types of life.

If you are an extrovert, you’ve got an advantage. You’ve got the confidence and skills to socialize that a lot of us don’t. As an extrovert, it’s also important to remember that it’s okay if someone doesn’t stimulate the same way you do. Your introvert friends still like you, they just really need their alone time.

For those introverts out there, it is important to have excellent interpersonal skills, but it’s something that we’re always going to have to be working toward. Don’t feel guilty for being “shy” and “reserve.” It’s easy for others to categorize introverts and assume they just don’t like people.

There’s a balance between everything and everyone. There’s a reason that we have different personalities and we’re different people. There can’t be one without the other. Luckily, we’re able to live at time that we can find personalities that are unlike ours and know them. It’s a small world, filled with lots of people.