Inexplicable Emotions

Health, Psychology

People look at you and wonder how you could ever feel that way. The darkness of your mind, scars from your past, and consequences of your actions haunt you, following every step you make toward the light. You don’t know how to tell the people closest to you about the thoughts that infect your mind, because for a long time, you’ve thought something was wrong with you. The kindness and sincerity you put out into the world returns to hurt you.

Since you could remember, you’ve bottled your emotions, pushing them back to a place that you couldn’t see. You didn’t know how else to handle the pain. It never occurred to you that over a decade later, those scars would tear open and damage everything you touched. Your need for love and understanding became confined to a space online that felt comfortable because it wasn’t real, or at least that’s how it appeared.

Emotions aren’t positive or negative.  The human brain is wired to categorize things as positive or negative, and is particularly alert to threats. […] As humans developed language, we employed the same process of classification to our internal state, including our emotions.

How to Manage Your Emotions By Rob Kendall

What makes you hate yourself more is not being able to express yourself in a way that others could understand. For when you try to talk, your emotions come out jumbled, unclear, and misrepresented. It’s not that you don’t trust the people you love, or that you don’t feel comfortable talking to them. It’s that you hate that you feel that way to begin with. You hate yourself for not being able to talk about, and for holding it in. You hate that no matter how much love someone throws at you, it takes a long time for you to open up, and you can’t find a logical explanation as to why.

The paradox is you want someone to listen, to understand. You want to feel better. You want to be better. You want to be normal. You’re cynical and apprehensive because the love you grew watching wasn’t real. You remember sitting at the top of the stairs, watching your parents fight, trying to understand how that was love. You talked to strangers online since you feared real intimacy.  You isolated yourself from everyone due to shame of being broken and pitied.

If we keep on suppressing our negative emotions they get buried in our subconscious mind which often results in mood swings, unexplained sadness, and mild depression. If in the future whenever we face any problem, we won’t just feel bad because of the current problem but also because of these suppressed emotions that we are holding on to.

Effects of suppressing emotions and emotional numbness By Hanan Parvez

You try understanding yourself.

You look in the mirror and all you see are flaws. You must deal with it and face the parts you pushed away. You know that you’re the only one who can heal you. It’s like your talking in circles to yourself. Logic is slapping you in the face, yet this twisting discomfort in your stomach tells you otherwise. You want some consistency, but your sanity fluctuates. It doesn’t matter how many articles you read, lectures you watch, or stories you hear, you tell yourself — with a sense of doubt — that you’re confident, strong, and worthy.

It takes time. You take time to heal. You take time to grow and change. Be patience with yourself, even on your worst days. Love yourself, especially when it’s the hardest. Understand your flaws and accept the person you are, no matter how hard it is. You may not change overnight, you may not change next month, but with every step forward, you’re improving, and that’s what matters.

Positive Thinking with Self Awareness


The power of the mind is both an exhilarating and terrifying thing. Some people enjoy their inner monologue, often getting lost in thought. Others prefer to keep themselves busy with tangible tasks because they don’t want to face what they’re thinking. The mind can take a person down dark paths. One negative thought can lead to another, traveling down a rapid spiral that is difficult to get out of. Finding a way to maintain optimism may seem impossible and insincere.

The average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80%  are negative and 95% are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.

80 % of Thoughts Are Negative…95 % are repetitive By Faith Hope & Psychology 

The Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist

An optimist is someone who is hopeful, even if the chances of success are stacked against them, some would consider these people, “dreamers.” Let’s give an example about asking for a promotion, the optimist would say, “I’ll definitely get a raise.”

A pessimist is someone who believes that the worst will happen in any situation, these people are sometimes called, “downers.” If a pessimist is going in for the same promotion, they’d say, “They’re not going to give me a raise.”

A realist is someone who recognize as situation for what it is, finding the best solution, they tend to rely on data and facts to make decisions. When a realist asks for a promotion, they’d say, “I’ll show them my performance report and that’ll convince them.”

A realist can also combine their traits with an optimist or pessimist. An optimistic realist is someone who prepares success logically, but still wishes for the best. A pessimistic realist will go into success with all the same preparations and still think the worst will happen.

While it’s necessary to look situations rationally, there is always room for positivity. The Law of Attraction is the idea that you get what you put out there . “If you focus on positive thoughts and have goals that you aim to achieve you will find a way to achieve them with massive action.” The difficult part is in believing that this could be true. When I first started hearing this notion, I thought it was dull and cheesy. It was only until years later, in my adult life, did I start to implement this practice.

Although we’ve been told this idea over again, why is it that there are so many reminders to have a positive outlook on things? Because the daily stress of our lives bring us down and we let them. As we aim to achieve more in our age, the more complex and heavy our responsibilities become. Day after day, it wears down on a person, slowly chipping away at the light inside, the one that struggles to maintain lit.

Self awareness is the key to combating negativity.

Being self aware means taking responsibility for your actions, understanding you’re not perfect, and that you’re ultimately in charge of who you are. It’s a process that needs to be practiced daily. When a person is self aware, they aren’t upset at the world around them or convinced that there is only the worst to come. A person who is self aware gains control of their life, because they don’t hold on to negativity.

Instead of mindlessly browsing social media, watching TV or playing games (which I’m guilty of too), take a moment to reflect, even if it’s just for ten minutes. Meditate, contemplate, breathe, and learn from your own actions.

[Self awareness] requires a deep understanding of your past and current self. Experiences shape how we see the world. So, we have to reflect on how the world has shaped us. 

Know Thyself: How to Develop Self-Awareness By Bill George

Putting out positive energy is just as powerful as negative energy. People who practice self awareness find ways to be more positive in their lives, because like realists, they learn from past events and apply them to situations in the future. One can still be optimistic while being realistic. In reframing your personal outlook on situations and opportunities, you might find your goals and dreams fall into place. Consider you who are, who you want to be, and what you want to achieve. It’s always the right time to start.