“I love these dresses!” Melissa yelped.
Judith Murray was finally becoming Judith Neimann. It took Nick three long years, but he went through with the proposal in the end. There were no problems with friends, family, or anyone else for the entirety of the planning either. Her parents house sat on a three acre piece of land in the boonies with nice enough scenery for pictures. The dresses were chosen quickly and all other arrangements went off without a hitch. The date was set, the wardrobe chosen, the only thing left had been the day itself.
Melissa was the last of the bridesmaids that Judith chose, so she had actually not been present when they picked out the dresses. Hence her gaiety. However it was not Melissa’s sense of style that Judith had been eager to arouse, it was Yu’s. Her best friend since third grade, Yu was closer than a sister for the soon-to-be. Though she was a dedicated tomboy, she helped Judith pick out the dresses; that is, while also not trying them on. Yu had pushed the model of the group, Ida, into that position, setting her free to judge away alongside Judith. It struck the bride that Yu may not have understood that she, too, would have to wear a dress on the big day.
There would be no question as to whether Judith would force her to wear it. If her friend did not want to, or felt uncomfortable, then that would be it. Yu had a certain way of talking and carrying herself that made Judith want to smack her. Not in any mean way, but Yu was just allergic to compliments sometimes. Just then, as the dresses were displayed on a rack to the four women, Yu sat silently on the bed.
“I knew you’d like it.” Ida said, already preparing to change. Judith stood by, already in her own dreamlike attire, watching Yu. Melissa, too, caught sight of the quiet girl who, at least outwardly, appeared just as happy as the rest of them.
“Come on, we’ve gotta get ready.” She said, eagerly pulling the fabric every which way.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a dress.” Ida said with a wry smile.
At this Melissa twirled over and grabbed Yu’s shoulders, desperately trying to yank her off the chair. Judith made her way to Yu’s rescue before any real struggle began.
“We’re not in that much of a rush, you guys get ready, I’ll help Yu with hers.”
The other two bridesmaids dejectedly assembled themselves. This solemnity did not, however, last. As soon as they looked at each other their spirits lightened and they practically exploded from the room into the rest of the house. Braggarts as ever.
“Don’t worry about me.” Yu said, smiling. “I’ll get ready, so you go on ahead.”
“You know…you don’t have to wear it, right?”
“What’s that about?” Yu laughed. “As if I’d ruin your pictures just ‘cause of my poor fashion! Go on, get out of here, I’ll be right out Judy.”
With this final word Judith left her alone in the room.
The matter of the dress had not concerned Yu very much. That is, when Judy came to her with tears and smiles saying that Nick had finally proposed, the idea of wearing a dress had occurred to her. Yet over those last few months of organizing, it had pretty much not existed in her mind at all. Somewhere along the way she just forgot about it. She could hardly share this fact with anybody, it was just too embarrassing to admit something so silly. Of course, naturally, she would need to wear a dress for her best friend’s wedding. She had thought that maybe, somewhere along the way, she would chime in and ask to wear pants. Sort of like a switch, make it a big joke, like swapping wardrobe with the groomsmen. Make them wear dresses and the girls wear the suits, something cute like that. She forgot to suggest it.
Now the time had come, she had to wear the dress. It was a simple request, but it felt strangely foreboding. Sort of like a magnetism, an invisible force between them. She sat there, and wondered when the last time she had even worn a dress. When her mother got remarried, that had to be it, so she was, what, seven at the time? That was the year before she met Judith, so at least 15, maybe 16. She never even wore a skirt in all that time. Nervousness crept in.
Would she even look good in a dress? She never really cared about her appearance, vanity hardly appealed. Mike, bless his heart, had a hard time expressing himself when he thought highly of her, so did she even look good to begin with? Well, good enough that he was going out with her, but personality matters more, so that hardly factored in, right? Ida had an agent, so her form of beauty was something Yu could hardly compare herself to. Melissa had certainly been a seductive force, and floated between suitors like Marco Polo, but that was certainly a different form than what Yu desired.
Was she as beautiful as Judy?
“Hardly.” She laughed, standing up and grabbing the dress.
She eyeballed it in the mirror and the image seemed odd. It was just incompatible with the view she had seen with the other girls. It was not the fault of the dress; Yu did not wear such things, but she at least knew what looked good or not. She did help to pick the thing out. So it certainly matched her tastes, but she never thought that its application would be to her. Like a famous designer who really only wears turtlenecks and sweatpants. Whatever had bothered her, it had nothing to do with the dress itself. At a loss, she put it on.
A minute later she was standing in front of the mirror, hair done up and dressed. She took a deep sigh, the dress fit perfectly. Which of course it did, she was not so low that she would lie about her measurements and sabotage the fitting. However she had hoped that it was too small. Yet the dress fit like a glove, or like a dress, she scorned her thoughts. It glowed blindingly white, and Yu considered making fun of Judy’s oddly traditional wedding arrangements. The skirt made the lower body heavier than she was used to, and the high heels a struggle to walk on.
“I look like a clown” she thought, but it was Judy’s big day. Her wedding. She never learned to tie her shoes until she was 14, but had the gall to marry at 23. The idea made Yu chuckle, recalling the embarrassed teen fessing up to her ignorance. This was just payback. It was time, Yu thought, to share some of that embarrassment. Trying her best to stand straight, and walking like a newborn doe, she opened the door.
Outside the three women were waiting. Judy looked her up and down as shrieks came from the other two. Judy’s father took her arm and the five of them proceeded outside. As they came out the back door the whole array of faces turned around in their chairs and stared at them. Watching as they marched up the aisle and took their place at the altar. Nick and Judy began to talk, but Yu could hardly hear a thing. In the congregation she caught Mike’s eye, and she noticed something in it that she had not seen before. He seemed different, almost resolute. His usual shy and obsequious self miles away. His determined glare focused solely on her.
She could not know at the time what Mike was thinking. Yet as she came out the back door of the house Mike had turned around, just like everyone else.
He had no idea what to expect. Of course, he knew that the bridesmaids were wearing dresses, but he hardly spared a thought as to what would come of it. He was racked by feelings of guilt, unable to account for his own nature, his own inability to make her feel loved. On that day, surrounded by the oncoming reality that they were growing older, and that certain questions would be asked, he had been more unsure of how to proceed than ever. He certainly loved her, that much was clear to him, but how could he go about it?
Then, had she really loved him? Or was she just pulling him along, making fun of him? She had some incorrigible habits, but that made her all the more irresistible. There was a power to her presence, a certain will that pushed him to that confession two years prior.
Yet, he thought. The word held great sway in his mind. How could he be confident? Love had no instruction manual, so he was left with uncertainty and questions. He planted his hands in his pockets and grimaced.
Nick stood on the altar, waiting for his bride. They were late, and even though he felt bad assuming, Mike had the hunch it was because of Yu. The idea of the dress crept in at that point.
Had he ever seen her in a dress?
No, never. Jeans out and about, sweats in the apartment. Knowing her, she would raise a fuss and reject the idea. Maybe she would dress the same as the groomsmen? No matter, either way he had to come to a decision. That is, did he have the courage? Then, would her answer favor him? He began to fall back into the pit of self-pity when the back door of the house opened.
First came Judith and her father, followed by Ida holding the train. Then, behind her, Melissa. Beside Melissa, a stranger. That is, a person whose face he recognized, but which had a different energy.
She was blushing bright red the entire way, passing by him in the aisle without so much as a glance. Then, when the whole group took their place on the podium, he caught her eye. There it was, that magic. A strange power overtook him, hypnotized him. Pulling his gaze from her was just impossible. In her embarrassment, in her eyes, he could only see one possibility.
As Judith and Nick finished their vows the crowd all stood and applauded. The pair ran down the aisle towards the tables where dinner was waiting. Yu followed her friends, occasionally glancing back at Mike through the crowd. He felt the box in his pocket and suddenly the weight of his insecurity melted away. All that was left was the question, and he took a step towards her.
TJ Daly (he/him) is an emerging writer and student from the East Bay in California, with a publication in Bombfire Lit.
Comment